Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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