I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
