I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
