maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
