After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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