And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
