i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
