and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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