Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
