Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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