You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
