I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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