My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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