Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
