Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize