FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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