I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
