Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
