Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
