a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My life is pants optional.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
