it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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