you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
