i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
