He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
