sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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