foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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