I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
