Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
