Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
