Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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