I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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