Dual....:-)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
