I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
