i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
