my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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