i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
