dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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