Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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