I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
