dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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