I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
