I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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