do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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