Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
