this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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