I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i believe in u and ur pee
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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