i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
