ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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