just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
