Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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