we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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