Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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