just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
