maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
