Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
