If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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