So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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