I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
