Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
