he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
